Leviathan Blues

June 12, 1998

I was walking down the road
To serfdom one day
Talkin' to Hazlitt and Hayek
On my way
I told them of my hunger
I needed something to munch
Hank told me —
"There ain't no such thing as a free lunch"

Yeah, yeah
I have no need to thank
For I already
Knew that, Hank
But do somethin' for me
I'm a wreck!
He told me —
"Go talk to Hayek!"
Fred said —
"You’ll not get it from me
Young man
For it will lead you down
Like Afghanistan"

And out of nowhere
Popped the Friedmans —
The old man told me
My money was inflated
And the young punk
Private law he advocated
At the intersection
We bumped into good ol' Thom
Who told me —
"Go farm, boy, and be good to Mom"

"But I'm hungry now," I yelled
But nobody paid me any mind
For this wiry Russian lady showed
And made them all go blind
Then there came this Austrian
Who called himself von Mises
But he offered me no answer
He only handed me his fleeces

By this time I was starving
And so to Locke I turned
But he only talked of contracts
And my stomach began to burn
Lord Acton he praised me —
"You’re not corrupt," he said
"But without your food," he added
"You might as well be dead"

"You read my mind, my Lord
But where can I go to eat?"
But he had disappeared
With an answer not even botherin'
Now there appeared another man
Who made me take a seat
He called himself Leviathan
And told me he was sovereign

He said —
"If you give me all your labor
I'll give you all your meat"
Said I, "But to put my whole fate into your hands
Doesn't seem very wise"
"What do you think you'll do," he asked —
"Go out and advertise?"

"Maybe I will," said I
As another man came up to the curb
"You don’t need him," he said —
"Don’t let him get you disturbed"
"You’re right, young man," he said —
"Just serve yourself as best you can
And you’ll find you won’t wind up
Anything like Afghanistan"

So I walked on down a different road
Not knowing my destination
I worked heartily for my food
Not stopping for any procrastination
I called out to that last man
As I sank my teeth into my reward
"What’s your name?" I called
As he disappeared into the horde
"Call me Dignity," he said —
I could barely hear the words
"Did he say 'Liberty'?" I asked
Hoping to keep it for my records

I guess it's all just academic anyway
Now that my belly's nice and filled
Maybe soon there’ll come a day
When even hunger's word is killed

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